Kids and drugs: What's stopping us from talking about it at home?
Outdated beliefs are keeping us silent. I think it's time for a new approach
During my formative years in the '70s and '80s, substance use was presented as a strict binary: You were either an addict or you weren’t. I grew up believing that people with substance use issues fit a particular mold—they were a distinct “type” of person—and the phrase “once an addict, always an addict” was just the truth.
Looking back, I now see how deeply the Alcoholics Anonymous model influenced my thinking, even though I was never personally involved. The ubiquitous treatment program shaped not just how recovery was approached, but how everyone understood substance use. If you weren’t an addict, you had nothing to worry about.
The era’s War on Drugs reinforced these binaries with fear-based messaging. Substance use was presented as a legal and moral problem with a binary solution. We learned about drugs from police officers who visited our schools, and the message was simple: Legal substances are fine once you’re old enough, but illegal drugs will land you in jail. Don’t use them.
This zero-tolerance approach discouraged any effort to understand or research the varying effects of different substances. Marijuana, psychedelics, and heroin were all seen as equally harmful. Rather than promoting informed decision-making, the focus was solely on enforcing morally upright abstinence, which discouraged critical thinking.
Goodbye to yesterday’s binaries
How things have changed! As my son entered high school last year, I started thinking about educating him about substances. I soon realized I didn’t even know where to start. The language has changed, and simplistic binaries no longer apply. Whether a drug is legal or illegal is irrelevant to its safety profile. And it’s not just addicts who are dying from overdose.
I’m not the only one struggling to talk to my teen. As I started raising the subject of substances with circles of mom friends, it became clear that many of us are facing the same challenge. We’re paralyzed by fear. As a result, we’re not talking much about substances at home, other than to say: “Don’t use them! Any of them! Ever!”
We hear ourselves preaching abstinence, but we also know that approach didn’t work for us—or for anyone in our generation. The proof is all around us. While rates of alcohol addiction have remained steady, prescription drug addiction has surged. Tobacco smoking rates have dropped, but teens have embraced alternative forms of nicotine, including vaping and pouches.
And while addiction is one potential outcome of substance use, it’s far from the only harm. Substances can lead to a range of physical, mental, and social consequences—such as impaired judgment, health risks, and less connection in relationships—even for those who don’t develop an addiction. Yet, we lack the tools to talk about these risks in a way that’s meaningful for our kids.
A new approach is needed
The problem is, we don’t know what to offer as an alternative to abstinence. It’s inevitable that our kids will encounter substances at some point, but we lack practical tools to guide them in navigating these experiences safely, responsibly, and even joyfully.
Over the past year, I’ve reeducated myself. The most critical lesson has been understanding that substance use exists on a spectrum. This shift from binary thinking to spectrum thinking has completely reshaped how I understand substance use, and how I talk about it with my family.
Embracing spectrum thinking
Over the past two decades, spectrum thinking has transformed how we think about gender, sexuality and neurodiversity. It acknowledges that human experiences are not either / or. Rather than seeing the world as a set of rigid, binary classifications, like male or female, healthy or sick, spectrum thinking acknowledges that many traits and behaviours exist along continuums.
Here’s a brief overview of how spectrum thinking can be applied to substances:
The substance spectrum
No Use: The person does not use any substances.
Experimental Use: The person tries substances, usually just a few times out of curiosity or in a controlled setting.
Recreational Use: The person uses substances occasionally, often in social situations or for enjoyment.
Situational Use: The person uses substances in specific situations to manage stress, anxiety, or other challenges.
Regular Use: Substance use becomes part of a regular routine, whether weekly or daily. At this stage, there may be some negative effects, but the person is still managing their responsibilities.
Problematic Use: Substance use starts to cause noticeable problems, such as issues at work, school, or in relationships. Negative impacts become more pronounced.
Substance Use Disorder: Substance use has escalated into a chronic, relapsing condition characterized by compulsive drug-seeking behaviour and continued use despite harmful consequences.
People may move between different points on the spectrum at various times. Understanding the spectrum can help identify where a person might be in their relationship with substances at a given moment time, and what steps could be taken to prevent escalation or address problems.
Most parents I’ve talked to about this haven’t been exposed to the vocabulary of substance as a spectrum. It exists mainly inside the subculture of harm reduction.
What is harm reduction?
Harm reduction, in case you haven’t heard of it, is a public health strategy that focuses on minimizing the negative consequences of substance use through practical, non-judgmental approaches. Instead of expecting abstinence, this approach assumes people will use substances at some point, and aims to promote safer use and improve overall well-being. By providing neutral, evidence-based information and meeting people where they are, harm reduction empowers people to make informed choices.
Bridging the gap for families
Despite evidence that it works better than abstinence-based education, harm reduction hasn’t really taken hold in most families. In my opinion, the reason for this is the lack of accessible, family-focused resources that parents can easily understand and use to educate their kids.
We need more support and guidance on how to have conversations about substances—without the fear, guilt, or overwhelm that often comes with them. As if we aren’t busy enough! We need help breaking down harm reduction education into simple, age-appropriate chunks that fit into the few minutes between dinner and screen time.
When I went looking, I couldn’t find the resources I needed. So, to help bridge the gap for myself and others like me, I created a zine called Conscious Substance Use: A Conversation Guide for Families. In this 20-page booklet, I break down the concept of substance use as a spectrum, and I offer practical tips for engaging in more informed, meaningful conversations about substances with kids, teens and young adults.
Don’t worry—my zine emphasizes that young people should wait until their brains are fully developed before using substances. However, we can’t wait until then to start educating our kids. If we do, it will be too late. By the time their brains are fully developed, they’ll be off at university, or backpacking through Europe. The right time to begin talking about substances at home is now.
Harm reduction needs a rebrand
I call my approach “conscious substance use,” aiming to create a bridge between the proven benefits of harm reduction and the everyday conversations that parents need to have with their kids. This is not a public health strategy; it’s a family connection strategy.
Where harm reduction focuses on reducing immediate harms for people who are actively using, conscious substance use is about engaging in thoughtful, ongoing conversations long before those choices are made. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the risks and the motivations behind substance use, and it empowers people to consider how substances fit (or don’t fit) into their lives at different ages and stages.
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Let’s start talking!
This is fantastic! Brava, Daphne! Have you gone through it with your own child(ren)? I'd love to hear how that felt.